Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Away

Rockefeller Center, NYC


life is notable
in strength is weakness and in weakness strength

balance transpires immeasurable love
in love is grace and in grace is love

benignity brings affection
in affection is embracement and in embracement affection

and all of this
a heartbeat away



Photograph Courtesy of Christine Bergsma

Monday, November 5, 2012

Marriage counselling - Elucidated burnt-out.



May, in her late forties and Burt, in his early fifties sit opposite the seasoned counselor, Susan.

Burt has the floor and May looks at the patterns on the Persian carpet.

Burt:            "May stopped talking to me about two weeks ago."
Susan:          "How long have you been married?"
Burt:             "The better of thirty years. We’ve been together for longer than we’ve been separate."
Susan:           "May, if you want to say something, feel free to do so."

May isn’t rebellious or resistant, neither numb nor cold.

Burt:         "Why don’t you tell Susan what’s the matter? That is why we made this appointment after all."
Susan:             "Can you say ‘I’?"
Burt:               "What do you mean? Of course I can say I."
Susan:            "I made the appointment, because I want May to tell me why she stopped talking to me?"
Burt:              "I made the appointment. Com’ May, you can tell us – or do you want me to leave so that you can speak freely to Susan? She can tell me afterwards what bothers you so deeply."
Susan:         "I can only agree to the first part. In my counselling I aim to propitiate communication between the parties involved."

May looks at the patterns that seem to be really interesting from her point of view.

Burt:           "If I’m the problem, I want to know. I can try to change."
Susan:      "I shall ask the question to both. Do you pay attention when your partner voices a concern or opens up a conversation?"
Burt:         "May gets upset easily, sometimes it is hard to tell what is facts and what is - hum..."

May looks at Susan, then back to the patterns on the carpet.

Susan:       "Can any of you give me an example of a resent conversation between the two of you?"

Burt thinks really hard. He tries to recall any incident.

Burt:     "I can’t recall when last we made proper love to each other. I’m good to May. I do the grocery shopping, because the store is on my way home and I always buy us some chips, chocolates and cookies on sale."
Susan:  "I’m going to ask the question to the both of you. Is one more health-conscious than the other? Is it possible for one of you to prefer say, fresh peas and hummus to chocolates and chips?"

May takes a sip of water.
Susan closes the file.

Burt:       "I love my fruits. I eat a banana, an apple and a bunch of grapes every single day."

Susan: "Do you want to book another appointment for next week?"

May takes her purse.

Burt: "Only if you think the next time around May might talk to us."

After they leave, Susan writes in the file: Signs of being elucidated burnt-out.
Prognosis: Gloomy.