Grown-ups and Parents
This
article was posted on a social media site, the writer’s name not mentioned.
Some readers might take this as a joke, but what if the writer was deadly
serious about his/her parental status?
·
Parent or friend?
A
parent is one who begets, gives birth, a caregiver who nurtures and raises a
child. When the baby starts
to develop his/her relationship to the world, the self-concept merges. Around 6-12
months the baby recognizes his/her image in the mirror and will call out his/her
name when he/she starts talking. The I-boundary is open-ended and the infant allows
the parent/caregiver to enter and leave. The concept is best explained during bottle-
or breastfeeding (the closeness) and early childhood games like peek-a-boo (separation)
that strengthen the concept of I-we boundaries. When an infant is abandoned for
an extended period of time detachment and disconnection can manifest. Under
favorable circumstances the parent/caregiver introduces the infant to an
environment filled with newness, challenges and skills to be mastered. The
parent interacts with the infant as the playmate, nurturer and educator.
Two-years,
toddlers and temper tantrums seem to be synonym, not to mention displays of separation
anxiety. The parent/ caregiver goes
to great lengths to introduce the toddler to friends, trustworthy adults and
babysitters and assists the child to develop social skills midst perceived
resistance. Many toddlers will initially go through an intense period of crying
when dropped off at the daycare, but eventually the child will learn to trust
and play along.
While
the friendly parent/caregiver introduces the infant to the outer world the I-
and we- and us- boundaries are established as respected units.
·
Child’s education?
In
the published letter the parent uses disconcerting verbs:
I will
stalk you – in most countries stalking is considered a criminal
offence.
A
stalk can also be considered a stem that supports a part of the plant like the
flower, fruit or leaf. The purpose of the stalk in a plant is to uphold and
strengthen the beauty.
Flip
out on you – the
giver reacts irrationally, becomes angry and/or looses control. In a positive
way flip out can be to react in a surprised, excited or delighted when the
unexpected happens.
Lecture
you – Most lecturers struggle
with the mechanics to ensure that the body is retained, the audience stays
awake, and the message is simple and relevant. Lectures are an effective method
to hand down knowledge, ideas and concepts. However, interactive lectures tend to
be more effective, spark creativity, ensure interest and allow two-direction
communication. A lecture can be an
inspiring talk from a person who aspires to facilitate change for the betterment
of mankind.
Drive
you insane: To be
able to drive somebody to the point of insanity, both action and caution are
required. The targeted can easily jump out of the way and leave the driver
plunging into the dungeon.
The
question of insanity depends on who the observer is.
Insanity
runs in my family. It practically gallops. (Cary Grant).
One
is very crazy when in love. (Sigmund Freud)
We
are obliged to regard many of our original minds as crazy at least until we
have become as clever as they are. (G.C. Lichtenburg)
Be
your worse nightmare:
Nightmares
are not bound to only happen at night, one can live a nightmare in the true
sense of the word when feeling overwhelmed by circumstances or threatened and
thus paralyzed with fear. While
asleep images collected during daytime are unguarded by the conscious mind and
make an appeal on the receiver to deal with that – one can’t escape from a
nightmare. Every nightmare, no
matter how unsettling, contains vital information on suppressed fears and emotional
challenges.
·
Bloodhound?
Bloodhounds
are believed to be kind, lovable, noble and good-natured companions for
children. They can become very territorial, protective over their domain and
might not welcome intruders. Bloodhounds are used worldwide in rescue and
criminal tracking, their evidence apparently admissible in the court of law.
·
Definition of love
Love
is the most difficult concept to put into words. Throughout the centuries
poets, songwriters, academics, psychologists, philosophers, clergy and laymen
to name a few tried to capture this acclaimed, ultimate multi-dimensional
state. A deep, intense affection can happen anytime. It happens between parents
and their newborn, between lovers, explorers and their dwellings, scientists
and experiments, diners and food, mediators and visualizations, kneels and
prayers – the eureka-moment of being enlightened.
Once
experienced, the loss thereof is as intense, in the words of Anais Nin: Love
never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its
source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and
wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.
·
Definition of responsible adult
A
person is amongst most cultures regarded an adult when he/she reaches sexual
maturity. Where legal systems are in place a legal adult is a person who has
attained the age of majority and can take responsibility for own actions.
Some
psychologists argue that age has nothing to do with maturity and that a minor
can have more quality alike than an eighty-year old. Saying that, some
psychologists uphold the theory that seniors often show signs of regression and
become childlike when reaching a certain age. In the article the writer seems to be ignorant about
children’s natural ability to mature and take responsibility for their own
acts. The act might not always be
the best choice, but the consequences will teach the young adult the (favourable) outcomes and lessons learned.
·
The only person in universe
The
writer of the above article sees him/her as the most important and
irreplaceable provider of love. He/she assures the child that nobody else can
pray, care and worry more.
Narcissism
is the attribute of the human psyche characterized by self-preoccupation,
fixation on an early stage and admiration of oneself.
Conceit
an unduly high opinion of one’s own abilities and worth.
Worries
accumulate and prayers are supposed to assist the bearer of letting go.
·
Accomplished Hate
Hate
seems more difficult to earn, but easier to retain than love.
Hate stems from hurt, leads
to disappointment and this ultimate condition provides the dealer with a
motive to pursue. Hate always propels into action. Hate tends to backfire.
A
thought provoking letter indeed.
Summary:
The
absent figure, the receiver, gets the sympathy vote.
Between the lines there is a strong outcry
from a maturing child to be acknowledged as someone who has the freedom to
experience life by trail-and-error, one who choose to be expelled from parental
worries and smother.
Way
back, when he/she was a newborn held in the arms of a loving parent, this maturing adult could call his/ her parent a trusted friend.
