On average parents are in their
mid to late forties when children start their higher education. By the time
young adults finish their university or college education, parents will be in
the phase of planning for their (early) retirement.
According to Jordan Weismann 61%
college-educated 18-34-year-old made it back home. Household debts get
organized by what the household owns and not by the individuals. Debts declined
for this group with a 22% drop. (www.pewsocialtrends.org)
Reportedly young adults after the
recession have fewer cars, fewer homes and less debt. The question arises of
who takes care of their travel needs, living costs and minimum payments?
The value obtained by dividing the sum of a set of quantities by the number of quantities in the set is called the average. Joint households are often challenged on every conceivable level. Quantities of emotions, wins and loss, change of plans, the equitable distribution among those concerned, expenses or charges paid by the homeowner to name just a few.
The value obtained by dividing the sum of a set of quantities by the number of quantities in the set is called the average. Joint households are often challenged on every conceivable level. Quantities of emotions, wins and loss, change of plans, the equitable distribution among those concerned, expenses or charges paid by the homeowner to name just a few.
Young adults are in the phase of
engaging into meaningful relationships, often having nesting and parenting of
the next generation in mind. Dating is an important part of their lives and
having a place to hang out of great importance. It can become extremely
expensive to meet at coffee shops or places of entertainment ALL THE TIME. However, bringing the date home can be challenging on a whole different level.
Parents are mid-life crisis
inclined. Lay-offs and fortuitous pension plans, inflation and living expenses
are stresses that they deal with and can’t be overlooked or undervalued.
Relationships get a new dimension
when there is an audience. A history of divorce or unhappily married life is
best dealt with in private. However, the young adult’s presence provides the parent
with the opportunity to go public. The young adult can easily be drawn into
separate hearings of both parent’s complaints and imperfections, not to be
quoted. Having to side with one against the other is tormenting.
The young adult’s behavior can
also lead to the parent’s unhappiness or private conversations. For a parent to detach from parenting
role is challenging and doesn’t happen unpremeditated. To advise, inform and
correct happens instinctively, but is uncalled for in this situation. The young adult proved that
s/he mastered some decision-making skills by graduating in absence of parents (with or without the financial backup from said parents).
When the parent shows doubt, it has an effect on the already bruised by moving
back ego. While both the young adult and parent have to recoup of a status
of independence, the process of getting there can be
confusing and painful.
Expectations while living under
the same roof are dynamic and supported by changing circumstances. What worked
today might not work tomorrow and requires some openness and flexibility.
However, leaving the laundry on Monday in the tumble dryer, knowing that
Wednesday is usually the parent’s day for washing isn’t a good idea. Plan to remove the washing right away –
finish what you started.
When the parents work 24/7 and the
young adult has free time, the grass is cut every Wednesday without a reminder.
If the young adult works 24/7 -
often for minimum payments - and the parent has free time, the grass is cut
without blaming the young adult for not making time for that. When the young adult or parent’s
circumstances change, so does the expectations of household chores. Anyone is
free to cut the grass or shovel the snow out of the driveway.
When the kitchen or bathrooms
needs attention, the dustbins are to be emptied or the windows can do with a
wipe, do it without fearing that this might become a habit. And when the milk, toilet paper or Windex are low,
pick some up at the store.
Saying this, every household has
different characters with different roles. Some are savers and some are
spenders. The saver will always wait for the spender to get frustrated and go
to the store and bail them out. Everyday household items can be placed on a tab
and divided by the number of people, but if budgets are tight, the buying of
Windex instead of using lemon juice and water can be a bone of contention.
The next set of roles is drowning
and rescuers. No one in a healthy
household is obliged to rescue anyone, especially when a group of adults live
together under one roof. Rethinking the parent-child, child-parent role could greatly assist in the person’s ability to make a contribution to the world. Aim to work together as adults.
Focusing on each other’s strengths and emotional intelligence brings a wholesome
set of values to negotiate from.
What becomes clear is that the
situation can be as complex as the family makes it.
Some basic rules/tips can make
this transition sizable.
·
Be fair and generous
·
Be gentle and respectful
·
Contribute rather than demand
·
Focus on strengths and capabilities
·
Be flexible and approachable
·
Define the house as a place where adults can
create and heal, nourish, relax and work
·
Be honest and genuine
·
Put the toys away
The man with the toothache thinks everyone is happy whose teeth are
sound. (George Bernard Shaw)
You will be surprised how many people are in
need of a dentist.
Photo by Marius Calitz
No comments:
Post a Comment