Saturday, January 11, 2014

AN ADULT CHILD and not so mature parent.

Grown-ups and Parents

This article was posted on a social media site, the writer’s name not mentioned. Some readers might take this as a joke, but what if the writer was deadly serious about his/her parental status?



·      Parent or friend?

A parent is one who begets, gives birth, a caregiver who nurtures and raises a child.   When the baby starts to develop his/her relationship to the world, the self-concept merges. Around 6-12 months the baby recognizes his/her image in the mirror and will call out his/her name when he/she starts talking. The I-boundary is open-ended and the infant allows the parent/caregiver to enter and leave. The concept is best explained during bottle- or breastfeeding (the closeness) and early childhood games like peek-a-boo (separation) that strengthen the concept of I-we boundaries. When an infant is abandoned for an extended period of time detachment and disconnection can manifest. Under favorable circumstances the parent/caregiver introduces the infant to an environment filled with newness, challenges and skills to be mastered. The parent interacts with the infant as the playmate, nurturer and educator.  

Two-years, toddlers and temper tantrums seem to be synonym, not to mention displays of separation anxiety.  The parent/ caregiver goes to great lengths to introduce the toddler to friends, trustworthy adults and babysitters and assists the child to develop social skills midst perceived resistance. Many toddlers will initially go through an intense period of crying when dropped off at the daycare, but eventually the child will learn to trust and play along.

While the friendly parent/caregiver introduces the infant to the outer world the I- and we- and us- boundaries are established as respected units.
  
·      Child’s education?
In the published letter the parent uses disconcerting verbs:
I will stalk you – in most countries stalking is considered a criminal offence.
A stalk can also be considered a stem that supports a part of the plant like the flower, fruit or leaf. The purpose of the stalk in a plant is to uphold and strengthen the beauty.
Flip out on you – the giver reacts irrationally, becomes angry and/or looses control. In a positive way flip out can be to react in a surprised, excited or delighted when the unexpected happens.
Lecture you – Most lecturers struggle with the mechanics to ensure that the body is retained, the audience stays awake, and the message is simple and relevant. Lectures are an effective method to hand down knowledge, ideas and concepts. However, interactive lectures tend to be more effective, spark creativity, ensure interest and allow two-direction communication.  A lecture can be an inspiring talk from a person who aspires to facilitate change for the betterment of mankind.  
Drive you insane: To be able to drive somebody to the point of insanity, both action and caution are required. The targeted can easily jump out of the way and leave the driver plunging into the dungeon.
The question of insanity depends on who the observer is.     
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. (Cary Grant).
One is very crazy when in love. (Sigmund Freud)  
We are obliged to regard many of our original minds as crazy at least until we have become as clever as they are. (G.C. Lichtenburg)
Be your worse nightmare:
Nightmares are not bound to only happen at night, one can live a nightmare in the true sense of the word when feeling overwhelmed by circumstances or threatened and thus paralyzed with fear.  While asleep images collected during daytime are unguarded by the conscious mind and make an appeal on the receiver to deal with that – one can’t escape from a nightmare.  Every nightmare, no matter how unsettling, contains vital information on suppressed fears and emotional challenges.
·      Bloodhound?
Bloodhounds are believed to be kind, lovable, noble and good-natured companions for children. They can become very territorial, protective over their domain and might not welcome intruders. Bloodhounds are used worldwide in rescue and criminal tracking, their evidence apparently admissible in the court of law.   
·      Definition of love
Love is the most difficult concept to put into words. Throughout the centuries poets, songwriters, academics, psychologists, philosophers, clergy and laymen to name a few tried to capture this acclaimed, ultimate multi-dimensional state. A deep, intense affection can happen anytime. It happens between parents and their newborn, between lovers, explorers and their dwellings, scientists and experiments, diners and food, mediators and visualizations, kneels and prayers – the eureka-moment of being enlightened.

Once experienced, the loss thereof is as intense, in the words of Anais Nin: Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.    

·      Definition of responsible adult
A person is amongst most cultures regarded an adult when he/she reaches sexual maturity. Where legal systems are in place a legal adult is a person who has attained the age of majority and can take responsibility for own actions.
Some psychologists argue that age has nothing to do with maturity and that a minor can have more quality alike than an eighty-year old. Saying that, some psychologists uphold the theory that seniors often show signs of regression and become childlike when reaching a certain age.  In the article the writer seems to be ignorant about children’s natural ability to mature and take responsibility for their own acts.  The act might not always be the best choice, but the consequences will teach the young adult the (favourable) outcomes and lessons learned.
·      The only person in universe
The writer of the above article sees him/her as the most important and irreplaceable provider of love. He/she assures the child that nobody else can pray, care and worry more.
Narcissism is the attribute of the human psyche characterized by self-preoccupation, fixation on an early stage and admiration of oneself.
Conceit an unduly high opinion of one’s own abilities and worth.
Worries accumulate and prayers are supposed to assist the bearer of letting go.
·      Accomplished Hate
Hate seems more difficult to earn, but easier to retain than love.  
 Hate stems from hurt, leads to disappointment and this ultimate condition provides the dealer with a motive to pursue. Hate always propels into action. Hate tends to backfire.

A thought provoking letter indeed.

Summary:
The absent figure, the receiver, gets the sympathy vote. 

Between the lines there is a strong outcry from a maturing child to be acknowledged as someone who has the freedom to experience life by trail-and-error, one who choose to be expelled from parental worries and smother.


Way back, when he/she was a newborn held in the arms of a loving parent, this maturing adult could call his/ her parent a trusted friend.


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